


Worth The Whisk

by ticklishpickle



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Chaptered, Dan is a sarcastic meme as usual and Phil is a sunshine, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Humor, M/M, it's supposed to be funny hopefully it is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-03-03 12:22:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13341177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ticklishpickle/pseuds/ticklishpickle
Summary: Before you read Dan's story, he wants to get two things straight.1. 'The Billowing Whisk' has never been the name Dan wanted when he graduated from super school. It was an accident.2. Phil Lester is a dick. But with Dr.Bickletwist kidnapping innocent orphans, he's a dick Dan has to work with for the sake of justice.Good. Now that that's over and done with, you may proceed.-Six years ago, Dan and Phil met at super school and became the best of friends. Today, they can barely be in the same room without having a full on rodeo brawl. When Dan, more popularly known as 'The Billowing Whisk' and Phil, 'The Sunshine Man' are forced to team up to save the orphans the evil Dr.Bickletwist is kidnapping Dan learns that perhaps Phil Lester isn't as bad as he originally thought...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> YOU DON'T KNOW HOW EXCITED I AM ABOUT THIS FIC Y'ALL  
> IT'S GON BE LIT HOPEFULLY  
> MY FIRST PROPER CHAPTERED FIC PLEASE LEAVE COMMENT/KUDOS IF YOU ENJOY :D

They were arguing again, but that was nothing new. Dan had allowed his mortal enemy, Phil Lester, to sit with him and Tyler at lunch- which had taken a lot of convincing on Tyler’s part- and it had ended just how he’d expected it to.  
  
It was over the stupidest thing ever, too. Probably the hundredth newspaper article had been written about Phil for something as mediocre as rescuing a kitten from a tree. It was like he didn’t even take his job as a superhero seriously, wasting his time on mundane tasks when there were dozens of supervillains at large. So when Phil had brought up the article, it was only natural that Dan expressed his thoughts on it.

 

“Oh please, I’m not going to listen to someone whose supername is ‘The Sunshine Man’.” Dan used sarcastic air quotes when he said the older man’s stupid name.

 

“Well at least my name doesn’t contain the word ‘whisk’!” Phil spat, his face red and his fists clenched.

 

That did it. That was a sore spot for Dan, and Phil knew it. It wasn’t okay. It was fine when Tyler or Louise teased him about it because they were actually friends, but Phil Lester was the furthest thing from a friend to Dan. It was kind of ironic, really. Phil had actually been Dan’s first friend at the superschool. Dan had been twelve and stupid, Phil thirteen and probably equally as stupid but they’d gotten along like a house on fire from day one. Unfortunately, it didn’t last.

 

After what had probably been the best year of Dan's life, Phil had become mean and snarky for no particular reason. He’d stopped hanging out with Dan at lunchtime, stopped training with him in their free time, and had moved out of their shared room. Dan still hadn't forgotten all their little inside jokes and games they used to play together, as sad as it was. It was stupid really, Phil was probably just jealous that the commander had started favouring Dan. It wasn’t Dan’s fault the commander liked him so much! He could admit that it was a _little_ unfair how the commander would sometimes spend hours helping Dan when he wouldn’t give half as much time to others such as Phil, but he didn’t ask for that treatment! Phil was honestly the pettiest little man Dan had ever met, despite the fact that Phil was actually a grown man.

 

Dan teleported out of the room, not having a specific destination in mind but making sure to leave a dark mist of smoke behind him, hoping Phil would choke on it.

 

A second later he found himself in one of the (thankfully empty)  training rooms. Good. He needed to blow off steam.

 

The worst thing about being a superhero wasn’t the unwanted fame, the pressure, or even the fact that Dan’s life was at risk more often than not. No, the worst thing about being a superhero was his name. Dan had worked hard for five years, learning everything a superhero needed to know, from controlling his powers to comforting victims in a panic.   

 

His main power, (besides the ability to make any situation super awkward-perhaps not an official one) was the ability to disperse thick, black billowing smoke from his hands and use it to teleport short distances. Being extremely proud of this power, Dan had decided on a name early on: “The Billowing Smoke”. It sounded edgy, cool (like Dan pretended he was) and aroused just the right amount of intrigue. It was a pity that it was a far cry from the name he actually ended up with.

 

The night before graduation Tyler and Dan had decided to have a sleepover. Bad idea. By 3am, they’d ended up on Pornhub, watching a woman having her… ‘special place’ opened by a whisk. Dan had been so traumatised he’d ended up not sleeping that night, images of giant whisks invading his thoughts. Graduation morning had come, and Dan felt like shit, having only gotten two hours of uninterrupted sleep. When it was his turn to sign the scroll, permanently securing his superhero name, he hadn’t written “The Billowing Smoke” like he’d been planning to for the past five years, no. In his sleep-deprived, traumatised-by-weird-porn state he’d written: “The Billowing _Whisk”._

 

All his fellow graduates had struggled to hold back their laughter, the bastards, even Dan’s own grandma was cracking up a little. But worst of all was Tyler Oakley, the little shit. Having chosen the respectable name of ‘The Flame-ingo’ (‘I’m a flaming homosexual figuratively _and_ literally Dan!’), Tyler was laughing his ass off at Dan’s less fortunate name. It had taken several days of apologies, food bribes and begging for forgiveness on Tyler’s part for them to patch their friendship up.

 

“Oi, whisk!” someone called obnoxiously from the other room. See? A year on and the awful name was still haunting him.

 

“Tyler, for the millionth time, DO NOT CALL ME THAT!!!” Dan exclaimed, his voice going squeaky and high pitched from the strain.

 

The next moment a pink flamingo was strutting through the door into the training room Dan was in. Somehow even in flamingo form Tyler retained the same walking style.

 

“Never. Who would let a hero forget their origin story?” he said, standing behind Dan who was in the process of shooting smoke out of his hands.

 

“Tyler. That’s not my origin story. I was a normal kid who just happened to have powers and was chosen by the Supanova academy to ‘save the world’ when I can’t really. Same as everyone else’s origin story, except they actually like being superheroes.”

 

Tyler jumped back a little when his friend disappeared and promptly reappeared less than ten centimetres away from him, dark smoke billowing around them. Dan laughed when he saw Tyler’s reaction.

 

“What are you doing here anyway? I’m in the middle of training you know. And I’m mad at you. You shouldn’t have asked Lester to sit with us. You know we don’t get along.” A thick gust of smoke shot out of Dan’s hand and onto one of the practice dummies. It fell to the ground with a soft thud.

 

“You seriously don’t even give him a chance! He’s a lovely person. They don’t call him ‘Sunshine man’ for no reason, you know.”

 

Dan stared at Tyler like he was the camera from ‘The Office’. Tyler suddenly changed back to his human form and waved a judgemental hand.

 

“Fine! Don’t be friends with him, your loss anyway. Besides, that’s not what I came in here to talk to you about. Commander Ocean Liner asked me to come get you, he needs you in his office soon.” Tyler strung out the ‘soon’ far longer than necessary.

 

“Oh, great, another talk with the big guy who’s going to assign me to yet another mission that I hate.”

 

Dan didn’t dislike his boss by any means, it was quite the opposite in fact. He was just very, very, VERY intimidated by him. Going by the name of ‘The Ocean Liner’, the commander had been the most well-known, most powerful and most _handsome_ hero in his time. His hero name was actually cool (unlike Dan’s), relating to his powers in quite a literal sense. He was strong (actually possessing super strength), sturdy and the carrier of many in not only an emotional but also a physical sense. He couldn’t fly, like most of the other heroes could, but boy, he could do something much weirder. He was able to morph into any different kind of boat, his favourite kind being ocean liners as he reasoned that their main purpose was to carry the weight of others- just like his was.

 

In addition to that, he’d founded the entire Supernova academy and agency at the age of 12. Dan still got his left and right confused at that age. He was the one who had recruited Dan, who had helped so much for all five years of training, and even though he was his boss, he felt a little like family (Dan could never say this out loud, it would be far too awkward). The Ocean Liner was retired from superheroing now, his main focus assigning missions, training superstudents and in general just keeping everything in the academy and agency running smoothly.

 

Dan walked out of the room, not wanting to use his flying powers unnecessarily- god forbid he be as extra as Tyler who had literally morphed himself into a flamingo just to talk to Dan- and made his way to the office.

  
In order to get to the office, he had to pass through several training rooms other than his own. The first he passed contained a huffing and sweating Louise (better known as ‘The Glitterbomb’) flying impressively around the room. She was abusing the prop enemies coming from every direction with innocent-enough looking sprinkles of glitter that actually peeled ten layers of human skin off per second. It was an amazing sight. By the time Dan had reached the door at the end of the room, fifty out of fifty of the enemies were melting into nothing on the ground.  
  
“Nice one Lou!” Dan called out when he was halfway out the door.

 

“Thanks Dan, see you at dinner!” The woman was breathing quite heavily, but her voice still retained its characteristic perkiness.

 

The next room he’d walked into his balls had nearly frozen over. The entire room was covered in frost, snowflakes that Dan knew for a fact were sharper than daggers filling the air. He quickly teleported the small distance from one side of the room to the other. It was best not to get in Snowella’s way when she was training.

 

After going through a couple more (thankfully empty) rooms Dan was finally sitting down in one of the two chairs in front of the commander’s desk, tapping his foot nervously. He was not excited for the new mission. The commander wasn’t in the room for some reason, despite the fact he had been the one to initiate the meeting. Dan looked around the familiar room, eyeing up the seemingly endless display of awards, newspaper articles and fanmail all dedicated to The Ocean Liner. On his desk was a picture of him and his wife on their wedding day, huge smiles on their faces and all of the superheroes from the agency behind them pulling funny faces. They didn’t have any children and weren’t planning to have any either as far as Dan knew, taking care of about a hundred fully-grown children with superpowers was enough already.

 

Dan sat up a little straighter when he heard the door opening and the distinctive footsteps of the captain.

 

“Hello Dan.” the tall man greeted, sitting down on his office chair.

 

“Hello, _Frank_.” Dan replied, not even bothering to hide the grin that was overtaking his face. The commander hated it when Dan called him that name, which only spurred Dan on to use it more.

 

“Daniel, please do not call me that. No one’s supposed to know my real name, you need to call me commander or Ocean Liner.” The large man gave Dan a glare, but Dan saw the small smile behind it.

 

“Alright, _commander._ So what’s my mission this time?”  
  
The commander cleared his throat. “So you may have heard of a notorious villain who goes by the name of _Dr.Bickletwist._ ”

 

Dan’s lips tightened into a thin line. Bickletwist was perhaps the most evil villain he’d ever encountered, and that was saying a lot. Money, notoriety or even revenge didn’t seem to be his motive… what he wanted was something much more sinister: babies. For the past seven years, Bickletwist had been sneaking into family houses, plucking babies from their cradles, as if they were free samples at the bread store.  He couldn’t count the number of times he’d chased after Dr.Bickletwist, desperately trying to rescue the infants. He could definitely count the number of times he had succeeded, however- none. Dr.Bickletwist was fast, so fast that by the time Dan or any other hero for that matter could get to the scene of the crime the babies were long gone and the parents in tears. Dan hated him, and hated himself for not saving them.

 

Dan gave the commander a look as if to say, ‘Are you fucking kidding me?’.

 

“We’ve tracked him down.”

 

Dan’s stomach flipped over, he wasn’t sure if it was in excitement or dread or _both._ He prayed this conversation wasn’t going where he thought it was.

 

“Last night he struck again, as you would have heard and he got away as usual. But this time, our friend Alfie managed to throw a tracking device onto his cape before he got away.”

 

The commander smiled proudly.

 

“I’ve chosen you to go to that island, find his lair and stop him once and for all. The children, and their parents need you.”

 

Dan’s head was spinning, where was this coming from? He hadn’t even caught Dr.Bickletwist once! He was probably the worst person to ask to do the job.

 

“I-I don’t think I can.” Dan said after a moment of silence. “I’m probably the worst one of your heroes, my powers aren’t great, I’m not smart either, my-”

 

Dan was abruptly cut off.

 

“That’s a pile of bullshit. Dan, you train harder than anyone at Supernova. There’s a reason I spent so much time helping you while you were still in superschool. I saw something in you, from the very first day you were here.I know you haven’t caught Dr.Bickletwist before, but no one has. You’ve probably come the closest.”

 

The man gestured to a particular newspaper article on his wall, titled ‘THE CHASE IS OVER!!! OCEAN LINER DEFEATS DOOT-DOO BOY AFTER FIVE YEARS! THE WORLD IS SAFE’. A picture of a young Ocean Liner in his prime was attached, his currently semi-balding hair was actually a full head of luscious brown locks, his face a lot less wrinkly but his smile equally bright.

 

“I can’t tell you the number of times I wanted to give up on catching him. Doot-doo boy was awful, his name probably even more so. ‘Doot-doo boy’ is nearly as bad as ‘The Billowing Whisk’.”

 

Dan was getting ready to smack the commander at the last sentence.

 

“Anyway, I was really doubting myself, like you are right now. But I persevered, and I caught him. I’m not just saying this because you’re my friend Dan, I’m saying this because we both know how capable you are of defeating him. You’ve defeated so many other villains in your time, Bickletwist will just become another one of those.”

 

During the commander’s mini speech, Dan had felt himself coming closer and closer to agreeing. He was still unsure though. Bickletwist was by far the most genius, most cunning villain he’d ever known, and Dan wasn’t sure he’d be able to face him… alone, at least. Wait. If Tyler and Louise came along with him they’d be unstoppable! His friends were amazing at what they did, and being so close they’d surely be able to work well together to defeat the villain.

 

“Ok.” Dan said, surprising the commander and himself a little.

 

“I’ll do it, but only if Louise and Tyler come with me. I can’t do it alone.”

 

The captain’s eyes widened before a very sheepish expression appeared on his chiseled face.

 

“Well… about that. I’ve kind of um, already chosen someone to go on the mission with you.”

 

“Who? Alfie? Or Zoe? That could work I guess…” Dan said, a little disappointed.

 

The commander was looking at the wall behind Dan now, not making eye contact with him.

 

“Not exactly… Maybe it’s best I tell you both at the same time… I’ll get them now.” The Captain hesitated, before dialling a number and whispering lowly, clearly not wanting Dan to hear.

 

Why was he being so weird? Who could he possibly have chosen to go with Dan that he felt the need to make such a big fuss of it? Dan eyed the commander suspiciously.

 

“Frank. Who the fuck are you getting to come with me?”

 

The commander didn’t need to answer however, as the person in question had walked through the door, tall and annoying as ever.

  
“LESTER?!?”

 


	2. Chapter 2

“Howell? What are you doing here?” Phil asked, confused.

 

“Yeah! What  _ is _ he doing here, commander? He better not be here for the reason I think he is.” 

 

The commander ignored his question, and instead told Phil to take a seat on the chair next to Dan’s. He took a deep breath, folding his hands neatly on the desk and looked at the two boys. 

 

“I’m just going to say it. Dan, Phil- you will be going to the island  _ together  _ to defeat Dr.Bickletwist.” 

 

Dan’s jaw dropped, This was not happening. 

 

“You’re kidding, right?” Dan said incredulously. “You know how much I hate Phil and how much he hates me! It’s just a disaster waiting to happen!” 

 

“Yeah!” Dan could tell Phil was equally as distressed but was trying to hold back. He’d always been passive aggressive, yet another quality that Dan hated about him. “Please commander, with all due respect- this is, this is not a great idea.” Phil bit his lip nervously. 

 

“Dan, Phil. I know you haven’t gotten along that well in the past, but I was hoping you could put that behind you for this mission, for  _ me.  _ I know both of you, your strengths and your weaknesses and you both need to trust me when I say that you two are the only ones who can take down Dr.Bickletwist. But you need to do it together.” The commander replied sternly, not stuttering once. 

 

“No! I don’t care! I’d end up killing him before we’d get even halfway to the island!” Dan exclaimed, now furious at the man in front of him for suggesting such a thing. 

 

“Daniel. You need to listen to my opinion on this. This is not about you, Phil or even me! This is about the parents whose children have been missing for years, and the children who have been locked away with that awful man for far too long, not you and your childish attitude!” The commander yelled furiously, the vein in his forehead popping out. 

 

Shit. Dan was being selfish- but he couldn’t go with Phil. It just wouldn’t work. Usually the commander was someone with reliable judgement on situations like these, but he couldn’t go with Phil. It would end in disaster.

 

“You think I don’t know that? I’m not saying I won’t go on this mission, I just won’t go with Phil. Please, just let Tyler come with me. It will be so much better.” Dan begged.

 

“And then I’ll miss out on the mission? I don’t think so, Dan. I know you think all I do all day is rescue kittens from trees, but newsflash- I actually am a superhero too, and have caught and defeated villains before.” Phil shot Dan an icy glare, which Dan immediately returned before snapping himself out of it when he remembered the commander was watching them. 

 

“The simple solution here would be for you two to just go. ON. THE. MISSION. TOGETHER!!!” The commander slammed his hands down on the table. “God, it’s like dealing with children.” He said, quieter. 

 

“Well that’s just too bad, because I’m  _ not _ going with Lester or I’m not going at all.” And with that, Dan stood up, snapped his fingers and promptly teleported out of the room.

 

-

 

“Guys you don’t understand! The commander paired me up with Lester, Phil fucking Lester for this stupid mission! It’s going to be a disaster!” Dan groaned before shoving a forkful of steak in his mouth. 

 

He was currently in his and Tyler’s dining room, eating questionably cooked meat- Tyler had cooked it using his flame powers- with his two friends. 

 

“Dan, honey, don’t you think you’re being just a tad irrational? Philip is a lovely boy and a great superhero too.” Louise replied, eyeing Dan up disappointedly. 

 

Dan was not being irrational. Not wanting to go on the dumb mission with Phil fucking Lester was fair enough, he thought. They literally would just be arguing the whole time, they wouldn’t get anything done! And besides, all Lester did all day was rescue kittens and shit from trees, it’s not like he’d actually be able to handle a supervillain as bad as Dr.Bickletwist- he was just too  _ soft.  _

 

“No! Phil and I don’t get along at all! And he doesn’t even know how to do anything remotely superhero-related, for christ’s sakes he justs spends all his time playing with animals instead of helping the rest of us.” 

 

“I’ve gotta disagree with you on that one. He does a lot more than you think, you know. Also, Phil is a lovely guy. It’s in the name!” Tyler said matter of factly, eyebrows raised.

 

“What, ‘Sunshine man’? It’s so fucking lame and unoriginal- it’s like he got it from an online name generator. His powers are literally just shooting sunshine out of his hands, he clearly put no thought into it.” Dan rolled his eyes. 

 

Louise and Tyler remained silent, instead sharing a look that Dan didn’t quite understand the meaning of. Dan was grateful for the fact that neither of them had used the obvious comeback- that Dan had the word  _ whisk _ in his name. 

 

“Anyway, I don’t want to talk about  _ him  _ anymore, I’ve had enough of him for one lifetime.” He finished, walking up to the sink to wash his plate. 

 

-

The rest of the night was otherwise pleasant, the three friends playing a variety of different board games and laughing over nothing.The highlight of the night had probably been when Tyler had gotten so excited about his triple word score in scrabble that he’d knocked a glass of water onto his pants and then farted out of frustration. Dan had doubled over in laughter, causing him to fart himself which just induced another fit of laughter in him, Tyler and Louise. 

It was now 11pm: time for Louise to go back to her own ‘dorm’ (it’s what they were called, but in reality the ‘dorms’ of the agency were big enough to be classified as apartments), thanks to the commander’s stupid rule that said everyone had to be back in their own dorms by 11, and sleepovers were only allowed when supervillains weren’t posing immediate risks to the city (they rarely weren’t). It was a miracle that the commander actually allowed Dan and Tyler to live in the same when he was very well aware of the fact that the two were like kids on sugar together- hyper and out of control.    
  
Dan walked Louise  to the door, bidding her goodbye before being pulled into an unexpected bear hug. He squeaked before hugging her back. It had been 10 seconds and Louise still hadn’t let go and so Dan decided he needed to end it himself. 

 

“Louise, this has been great but Tyler and I really need to sleep now. We can hug another time.” He said, wrenching himself out of her embrace. 

 

Louise frowned. 

 

“Fine. But I do need to talk to you about something quickly before I go.” She said, looking serious all of a sudden. 

 

Dan groaned internally, already knowing what she was going to talk to him about. 

 

“You need to go on that mission.” 

 

Yep, he was right. 

 

Dan clenched his jaw before opening his mouth to spew out the saltiest retort he could think of, but was interrupted. 

 

“No, Dan. Listen to me. I know you hate Phil, and you think he hates you- which is definitely not true by the way, but you need to do this. Put your differences aside for just a few weeks, or however long it takes to get to Dr.BIckletwist. The commander knows what he’s doing, he’s been doing it well for the past 49 years and so if he says you and Phil working together is the only way to defeat him, then it i _ s _ .” 

 

Dan stood there, stunned. He was at a loss for words. Louise was one of his best friends, and she only really got this serious when it was really important. Normally she was all jokes and smiles, but by the look on her face and the tone of her voice it was obvious this meant a lot to her.  

 

Dan didn’t even realise he’d been staring at nothing, wide-eyed until Louise patted him on the shoulder.

 

“Just think about it, ok?” She smiled at him before walking away, disappearing down the corridor before Dan could even find it in himself to speak.

 

“Ok.” He said softly. It was for his own benefit more than Louise’s, really. She’d already turned the corner and was out of sight.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this is very unedited and it is 3:30am save me  
> sorry for lack of Phil in this chapter, he shall return next chapter

It was the next morning when Dan finally swallowed his pride and dragged himself into the commander’s office at approximately nine am. Dan hadn’t slept a wink the night before, too busy deliberating on whether or not it was really the right decision.

 

Thoughts of Phil had swirled in his mind, memories dating back to their first few weeks together resurfacing. Phil had been so kind to him from day one, offering him friendship and support in a strange new place that was so different to anything he’d ever known. Dan remembered how scared he’d felt, just a little twelve year old boy with powers he didn’t understand and people he didn’t know. Phil had noticed this, and immediately had rushed to Dan’s aid, making jokes and funny comments about the other heroes training in the precinct, the stupidity of some of the exercises and even the commander himself.

 

Dan had really thought he’d found a lifelong best friend in Phil, but clearly he was wrong. They’d only been friends for a couple months, but Dan felt like he deserved an explanation for Phil’s sudden abandonment of him. After a month of trying to get Phil to talk to him again, Dan had taken to glaring at Phil whenever he saw him and making fun of him whenever the chance arose. Phil had been quick to reciprocate the incessant teasing that could perhaps nearly been classified as mutual bullying, and the rest was history. Maybe it was true that Dan could have handled the situation a little better, but all in all it was Phil’s fault, really for the six year long feud.   
  
 

The thought that had really pushed Dan over the edge to make the final decision was that maybe, just maybe part of the old Phil was still in there somewhere, and things might be okay between the two boys again. It was wishful thinking, he knew, but Phil had been Dan’s first best friend and it really sucked that they couldn’t even be in the same room without fighting now.

 

Fighting with Phil was getting tiring, and if going on this trip meant it would stop, then Dan was going to do it.

 

Dan knocked on the door to the commander’s office, nervous to see him after the way he’d acted the day before.

 

“Come in.” He heard the commander’s tired voice, it was obvious he’d been up all night stressing like he normally did when missions weren’t going to plan.

 

The commander tensed as he saw that it was Dan walking in.

 

“Oh. Dan. Take a seat.” He said, sounding a little taken aback.  
  
Dan awkwardly walked over towards the chair and sat down. It made a jarring screeching sound when he pulled it out, making both Dan and the commander cringe. There was silence for a few seconds as Dan folded his hands in his lap awkwardly.

 

“Care to tell me why you’re here?” The commander said, eyebrows raised.

 

Dan shuffled in his seat.

 

“I may have, had a lapse in judgement the other day.” Dan swallowed, admitting he was wrong had always been hard for him, especially to the commander.  
  
“I was… wrong. And selfish. I should have just agreed to go on the mission with Phil, it shouldn’t matter that he sucks ba-” Dan stopped in the middle of his sentence when he noticed the disappointed look the commander was shooting him. “-isn’t the easiest person to get along with, it’s about the children and defeating Dr.Bickletwist, not about me.”

 

The commander looked pleased now, he was clearly fighting back a smile.

 

“So what are you saying, Dan?”

 

“I’m saying, I’ll go on the mission with Phil.” Dan sighed with relief as he finally got the words he’d been psyching himself up to say for the past twelve hours.

 

A huge grin broke out onto the commander’s face. He stood up from his chair, walked over to Dan and gave him a proud pat on the shoulder.

 

“I knew you’d come around, son.” He said, smirking to himself.

 

“You did?”

 

The commander burst into a fit of laughter that Dan certainly wasn’t expecting, supporting his crumbling weight on the back of Dan’s chair.

 

“No!” He managed out between chuckles. “I thought the mission was done for! You’re a stubborn little shit, Dan. You always have been.”

 

Dan couldn’t help but laugh back at this, and soon the two men were wiping their eyes and clutching their stomachs in the never-ending loop of laughter they’d started. By the time they’d finished laughing, Dan felt worry free, having completely forgotten the fact that he was now due to spend an entire mission with his mortal enemy. Ok well, hopefully it wouldn’t last too long, the boys would of course just fly over to his lair and hopefully take him down in a matter of hours? He hoped. It was pretty unlikely, if Dan was going to be perfectly honest, that the take down of the most nefarious villain in the world would only take a few hours.

 

“Oi, Ocean Liner?” Dan said, after they’d finally stopped laughing.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“When does the mission start?”

 

“As soon as possible, Bickletwist is stealing babies as we speak.” He said, determinedly, all traces of humour gone from his voice.

 

“Yeah, okay. I’m ready to leave when Phil is. Have you managed to convince him yet?” Dan replied.

 

“Oh, well of course. Honestly, the man is too soft for his own good. I managed to talk him into it last night, only took a short speech about the parents missing their children, heroship, and he melted like a marshmallow. It was great. ” The commander grinned proudly, crossing his arms.

 

“Well he’s certainly not ‘soft’ to me.” Dan grumbled to himself.

 

“I’m sure that will change.” The commander replied, smiling to himself before picking up a big stack of papers from his desk and plunking them in Dan’s lap.

 

“Now, you better get reading. The Bickle’s backstory and whereabouts aren’t going to learn themselves.”

 

Dan groaned, the weight of the papers on his lap feeling a thousand times heavier than they actually were. He was in for another long night.

-

Dan studied the information contained in the papers thoroughly the entire weekend leading up to the mission. It was quite disappointing as well, there was barely any information on Bickle’s life before crime. No record of parents, schools, universities- no _backstory._ Dan ached to know. Dan’s favourite thing about fighting villains was finding out their backstories.  
  
Were they bullied as a child? Abusive parents? Bad luck with romantic partners? Dan wanted to know! It sounded quite silly, he guessed. Perhaps he shouldn’t be so invested in the lives of people he didn’t even really know, he just couldn’t help it. He’d been the way even as a child, even before he’d developed his powers and been initiated into the academy.

 

The only real family member Dan had in his life was his older brother, Mason. They hadn’t gotten along all the time but they were still brothers, and that Dan was grateful for. Mason was four years older than him, and the complete opposite of him in many ways. While Dan was awkward, Mason was charismatic. While Dan was into video games, Mason was into guitar. One of the only things they had in common was their sense of humour and love for superheroes (although looking back on it, Dan suspected Mason exaggerated the extent of his own interest in superheroes just to please his little brother).

 

His dad was barely home, and his mum was long gone. Could you really blame young Dan for looking to the lives of others, more specifically… superheroes? He’d been a huge fan of superheroes from a young age. In his town, superheroes were like celebrities who could escape the paparazzi, much, much easier.

 

Embarrassing as it was, he’d always fanboyed a little over ‘The Ocean Liner’. He’d been tall, buff, heroic- all the things Dan had aspired to be from the age of five. He was really only one of those three things now, and it was directly correlated to the fact that he was 6’3.

Of course, he’d never told the commander of his fanboyism. He’d laugh in his face, clap him on the back and proceed to tell the entire agency of his adoration. When the commander had brought Dan into the agency, it had been like a dream. Sure, he’d seen all these heroes on tv, on the front pages of newspapers but never in the flesh! By some miracle Dan had contained himself as he walked into the building with all of his idols for the first time, ensuring his secret identity as a super-fanboy was kept hidden.

 

Of course, Dan was (for the most part) over his fanboyism, but his voyeuristic- in a strictly non sexual way- tendencies were still very much there. It was a secret he would be taking to the _grave_ that he would stay up on school nights with Mason, just to watch the Ocean Liner defeat another bad guy.

  
  
 

Dan finally plonked the papers onto his bedside table and called it a night. He slept peacefully that night, having one particular goal circling through his mind like a puppy off leash.

 

He was going to know the Bickle’s backstory, and he was going to know it _inside out._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao I haven't updated since the summer holidays ended. I am sorry but like here you go, hopefully it satisfies (this is terrible by the way, I still hope you enjoy this trash)

 

Dan was walking down the hallway with Tyler, dreading the mission ahead of him. He’d spent the whole weekend studying the papers the commander had given him and it was safe to say he was _extremely_ well-prepared for the mission of hell with a certain black-haired man. Phil had interrupted him many times too, turning up to his and Tyler’s dorm, obviously in a panic and asking Dan about the _tiniest_ , most insignificant details about Dr.Bickletwist. Dan was all for being well-prepared for the mission, but being enemies with Phil, it was just annoying.

 

The last time Phil had ‘visited’ Dan had kicked him out abruptly, slamming the door in his face seconds before hearing Phil swearing his revenge on the boy. Dan guessed it was kind of his fault for doing that, it would just serve to make the next day, or days, or weeks- however long it would take to defeat the villain- even more awkward.

 

“Excited for your mission, whiskorino?” Tyler chirped, in a suspiciously happy mood considering his best friend was leaving on a potentially life-threatening mission.

 

“No. To the nickname and your question. Of course not. Phil and I had another fight yesterday so it’s going to be even more awkward now! I literally cannot wait until this whole thing is over and Bickle is behind bars where he belongs.” Dan huffed, rolling his eyes. “Anyway, why are you in such a good mood? Aren’t you gonna miss me?” Dan asked teasingly, though secretly he was insecure about the fact that Tyler might not miss him as much as he was going to miss Tyler.

 

“Oh, of course I’ll miss you. I’m just really happy you’re gonna get to go on this mission of a lifetime! You’re gonna go down in history, Dan! You’ll be as well known as the Ocean Liner himself!” Tyler exclaimed, his blue eyes lighting up excitedly.

 

“Yeah, as if. No way someone like me could ever be as good as the commander. But I appreciate the sentiment, Tyler. I’ll try and make you proud.”

 

“Well I think not, but okay. And you will make me proud, as long as you try.”

 

The two friends walked for a couple seconds in comfortable silence, finally reaching the spot Dan was meeting Phil and the commander before Tyler stopped suddenly and grabbed Dan’s arm.

 

“Wait! Before you go, I have something for you. The first, is a piece of advice. Don’t let your hatred for Mr. Sunshine get in the way of the mission. There’s no way you’ll be able to do this alone, as great as I think you are. You have to work together.” Tyler said, all traces of the usual humour and jovialness gone from his face.

 

Dan sighed and rolled his eyes. He’d heard this a million times before, it was getting old and no one seemed to understand that Phil was well, kind of an ass.

 

“No, Dan. Listen to me. I don’t want you to ignore me on this, I hate being serious almost as much as you do but you need to take my advice.”

 

Dan looked at his friend’s face, feeling ashamed of his admittedly immature behaviour.

 

“Alright, fine. I’ll keep it in mind. And what’s the second thing?”

 

A huge grin spread across Tyler’s face, replacing the stern look that was previously occupying it. His hands twitched in excitement.

 

“Oh ho ho, mister Howell. You’re gonna love this.” Tyler reached into his pocket, felt around for a few seconds and extracted something small that he kept covered with his hands before bringing it to Dan’s face.

 

Tyler opened his hands like a clam.

 

“TA-DA!!!” he giggled, studying Dan’s face intently for a reaction.

 

Dan’s jaw nearly dropped to the floor and his eyes widened in rage or shock- he wasn’t really sure which, probably a mixture of both. Insider Tyler’s soft baby hands lay a teeny-tiny whisk on the end of a thin silver chain, shining innocently in the bright lights of the corridor.

 

Dan looked at Tyler with a face straighter than Tyler (and Dan’s) sexuality. He took a deep breath in to calm himself, and then breathed out. He looked at the ground, refusing to meet Tyler’s excited gaze.

“Tyler, you’re literally half a whisk joke away from me leaving your gay ass behind and getting a new best friend.”

 

Tyler scoffed.

 

“Yeah, good luck with that one, your equally-as-gay ass is as intolerable as mine. And I promise you this whisk-lace is not just for aesthetic appeal. It has a function too.”   
  
“I’m actually bi but whatever… Tell me what the function is then, if you want me to actually keep it.”

 

“All I’m gonna say Danny, is that they don’t call me the Flame-ingo for nothing. And you’ll regret it if you don’t bring it with you, trust me. But only use it in an ABSOLUTE emergency, you hear me?” Tyler poked Dan’s chest sternly, smiling gleefully.

 

“Ugh, fuck it. I’m already going on this stupid fucking mission with Lester, could wearing this whisklace really be any worse than that? I managed to escape one shitty name from hero school, I guess the universe wasn’t kind enough to let me escape my actual hero name.” Dan sighed and took the necklace from Tyler’s hand, making sure to put it on backwards so that it would be hidden by his cape.

 

“Oh, you mean ‘Dani _snot_ on fire?’ I remember that! No one even said it correctly by the third week of year eight! Who even thought of that dumb name?”

 

“Uhm, it may have been me…” Dan admitted sheepishly.

 

Tyler nearly cried out in shock and delight, but Dan quickly put a hand over his mouth to stop any sound from escaping.

 

He looked around before lowering his voice to a small whisper. “Look, I don’t tell a lot of people, or anyone really, this. But as you know, my lesser known power is that I’m immune to burns and fire, so I thought it would be… cool to, you know, call myself ‘Dan is not on fire’. It was an ironic thing, really, and I was twelve but it took so damn long to shake off that name. It still haunts me to this day.” Dan cringed at his old self.

 

“Anyway, you are never to speak of this to anyone. If anyone asks, you still have no idea who thought of that dumb-ass name.”

 

Tyler was red in the face, clearly trying to hold back a dramatic fit of giggles.   
  
“Mm-hm!” he squeaked out, his voice being muffled by Dan’s hand.

 

“Now swear you’ll never speak of this to anyone. This is my darkest secret. I memed myself over.” Dan looked Tyler in the eyes sternly and lowered his hand off Tyler’s mouth cautiously.

 

“Okay, whisk-o. I won’t. But you can’t forget about the whisk. Just promise me that, okay?”

“Okay, I won’t. Thank you Tyler, for everything really. And if I don’t come back-”

 

“No! Don’t say that, you will!” Tyler rebuffed dramatically, not wanting to believe it.

 

“Tyler, it’s a possibility. If Dr.Bickletwist twists me over, just know that I appreciate everything you’ve ever done for me, despite your excessive whisk jokes. Thank you.” Dan smiled at Tyler before putting the code into the door and walking out.

 

“You’re welcome! Come home soon, I’m nothing without my number one whisk-a-roo!” Tyler joked, but Dan could see the tears welling in his eyes.

 

Dan quickly ran back to his friend, wrapping him in a hug. “This is stupid, we know I’ll be fine. I’ve been on so many missions before. I’ll come back soon, we’re being ridiculous. That bickle is no match for me.” He squeezed Tyler tighter in the hug.

 

“You’re right, I’m just really emotional because I think Louise’s period is coming soon and-”

 

Dan looked at his friend quizzically.

 

“You know that shouldn’t really affect _your_ body, right? Just Louise’s.”

 

“O-oh. Um, I knew that.” Tyler sniffled.

 

“If you say so, Tyler. If you say so.”   
  
-

 

It had taken Dan a good few minutes to pry the flaming homosexual off of him, causing him to be a little late for take off. The commander was not happy.

 

“Daniel, I hope you know this is your second strike for tardiness. When i set a time for you to leave for a mission I expect you to be there at that time, not fifteen minutes after.”

 

Dan shrunk into himself, embarrassed that he’d let it happen again. It wasn’t his fault though, Tyler was literally clinging to him like a limpet.

 

“Sorry, it won’t happen again. Tyler had a little trouble saying goodbye… he’s very attached.” Dan said sheepishly.

 

“Well you and your boyfriend are going to have to find a way to be apart for a couple of days if you actually care enough to defeat Dr.Bickletwist, Dan.” Phil spat out saltily, particularly enunciating the word ‘boyfriend’ with venom.

 

Dan narrowed his eyes at Phil for what was probably the billionth time in his existence. “He’s not my _boyfriend_ and even if he was he’s allowed to be upset that I’m leaving for a while even if it’s not going to be that long.”

Phil opened his mouth to retort but the commander stopped him.

 

“Daniel, Philip, I think it’s time you two stopped acting like children and starting acting like the heroes I’ve trained you to be. We don’t have time for your childish bickering.” The commander’s voice was sharp and cold, shutting the both of them up immediately.

 

The commander smiled when the silence was sustained after a few seconds.   
  
“Good. Now take these. They have everything you need in them.” The commander handed Dan and Phil identical compact purses. They did look small, but Dan knew they would probably carry fifty times the amount they looked like they should. The Ocean Liner was good at what he did.

 

“Don’t complain about the design. It looks great and you know it. Now off with you two.”

 

Dan awkwardly stuffed the purse into his pants, making it look like he had a hernia. He didn’t bother to fix it, today was already way too long and tiring.

 

The two men walked to the take off zone as slowly as the Ocean Liner would allow, which was not very slow at all. Dan looked down at his feet, up at his commander and finally directly at Phil. He exhaled slowly before hovering in the air. This was going to be his longest, hardest mission yet. An indefinite amount of time spent with his enemy was the last thing he wanted, or quite frankly needed at the moment, but he was going to have to do it. It would be worth it. Worth it for justice.


	5. Chapter 5

Dan knew the mission wasn’t going to be easy, but he didn’t realise how mind-numbingly difficult it was going to be to work in harmony with Phil. They’d left only 10 minutes ago yet were already fighting, mindlessly throwing insults back and forth.

 

“So I’m guessing flying is your only useful power, huh? I can’t see how shooting measly specks of glitter out of your hands is going to help us defeat Bickletwist.” Dan sneered, his brown hair fluttering in the wind and getting in his face. You could say that flying wasn’t Dan’s favourite activity.

 

Phil rolled his eyes, trying his best not to lose his cool and countered with an insult of his own.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m pretty sure shooting rays of sunshine out of my hands to burn enemies is more useful than your superpower of being a giant ass.”

 

Dan growled but then chose to remain silent. He was fighting a losing battle. Instead, he focussed his attention to Phil’s stupid, stupid cape, insulting it in his head. Seriously, it was dumb. It had a large checkered pattern of obnoxiously bright green and blue, matching Phil’s obnoxiously bright personality. Okay look, Dan couldn’t really insult it _that_ much. Dan pretty much had the exact same cape, except his was coloured black and grey. Dan didn’t really understand why the capes were designed this way, they looked like fucking bed quilts in his opinion. For some reason, Ocean Liner had assigned Dan and Phil with matching capes on graduation day. Upon questioning, the large man had just shrugged his shoulders and muttered something that sounded like, “In due time you will figure it out.” Dan wasn’t exactly sure he wanted to figure out whatever that was supposed to mean.

 

Flying was something Dan really dreaded doing, but it looked like Phil felt the opposite. His admittedly silky black hair was blowing gently in the wind, sparking feelings of jealousy in Dan. His own hair would not cooperate, he swore he had swallowed at least five strands of his own hair in this flight alone. Phil’s eyes were open with wonder. Dan found it extremely jarring to say, and even admit, but it was undeniable that Phil looked like an innocent little child who’d just discovered Nickelodeon for the first time. It was a pity such a pure and innocent looking man could actually be such a dick. What had gone wrong? Seriously, Dan honestly believed they could have had a healthy, long-lasting friendship if Phil hadn’t turned into such a jerk out of nowhere. He tried to think about what went wrong but he came up blank. At age 12 when Dan and Phil were actually friends, Phil had treated Dan with nothing but kindness and respect- the opposite of what he treated him with now. The man huffed, being careful not to be too loud. He didn’t have the energy to fight with Phil anymore, at least not for today.

 

Dan tore his eyes away from the man next to him and glanced down at the land below them briefly. The houses in this town were quite modern. He paid particular attention to one house that had a cute little chimney sticking out. Dark grey smoke was billowing out of it, and attached was a weathervane in the shape of rooster.

 

Wait a second.

 

Why could Dan see that the weathervane was in the shape of a rooster? He was miles above the town, he was flying for fuck’s sake! The weathervane got closer, swinging around teasingly. Or was it Dan that had gotten closer?

 

Okay yep, it was definitely Dan that had gotten closer. He felt the wind blowing his hair up into a stupid-looking quiff. Fuck.

 

This fall was going to be a big one.

 

-

 

“Phil! We’re falling! We’re fucking falling, what do we do?” Dan screamed, tapping on Phil’s shoulder furiously.

 

The older man blinked. Once. Twice. He looked down and his face dropped. They were screwed.

 

“What? How did this even happen?” The black-haired man exclaimed, flapping his arms wildly in an attempt to fly again. It didn’t work.

 

“Fuck, I have no idea but if we’re don’t do something soon we’re going to be impaled on that pretty little weathervane.” Dan pointed down at the weathervane, which in response seemed to wink cheekily at him. Or maybe it was just glinting in the sun.

 

The two boys continued free falling for seconds more, precious seconds that were the short distance between death and life. Dan was an idiot- there was a surefire way out of this mess that he’d used many times when rescuing victims of supervillains. Dan let out a gurgled war cry of sorts before grabbing onto Phil’s body before enveloping both of them in a black swirl of smoke.   


-

 

Dan opened his eyes to the sight of his lanky companion swiping furiously around his face, ushering the black smoke surrounding him away. Upon noticing the fact that was Phil was coughing heavily, Dan quickly materialised the smoke away.

 

“Sorry about that. It was the only way I could have saved us. Are you alright?” Dan asked, his brow creased with worry. He still hated Phil of course, but he wasn’t so much of an asshole as to want the man to choke on smoke he’d created.

 

Phil gave one last cough before looking at Dan wearily.

 

“I’ll be fine. Thanks for saving me, I guess.” The black-haired man was visibly struggling to thank his enemy for his heroic act, but Dan appreciated the sentiment nonetheless.

 

Dan nodded in acknowledgement before finally paying attention to his and Phil’s surroundings. Their incredibly long bodies were crammed in a tiny ‘room’ - if you could even call it that, it couldn’t have been larger than the average toilet cubicle in a restaurant - with mirrors on all four sides and a red velvet curtain acting as a door. _Oh._ They were in a changeroom.

 

Usually, when teleporting Dan had a place in mind for where he wanted to teleport to. However, there was only so far he could teleport thanks to his flawed powers and the clearest point of destination Dan had thought of during his fall was ‘somewhere soft’. He guessed this changeroom fit the description, with its soft red carpet that Phil had comfortably been able to have a coughing fit on.

 

“Dan. Two questions.” Phil said, voice a lot clearer than it was a few moments ago. Hopefully he’d coughed out all the residual smoke.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Okay firstly, why did you teleport us to a changeroom in a random store? Couldn’t have teleported us to, I don’t know, maybe Dr.Bickletwist’s island so we could hurry up and save those kids already?” Phil asked judgingly, glancing at his own wan complexion in the mirror in front of him, no doubt a result of his near-death experience.

 

Dan huffed. Trust Phil to criticise him even after he’d just saved his life.

 

“First of all, fuck you. Second of all, you know I can only teleport certain distances. Third of all, we don’t even know where Dr. Bickletwist’s lair is. Third of all, I didn’t have a clear destination in mind when I was teleporting us. So now we’re here.  And your other question?” Dan gritted out, feeling like he was ready to end Phil’s life despite the fact he’d just saved it.

 

“Calm your farm, little man.” Phil tousled Dan’s hair condescendingly. Dan went to bat his hand away but it was already retracted.

 

Phil’s face quickly turned from playful to serious. “Anyway, what I was going to ask is do you have any idea why we were falling? I haven’t had such a severe fault in flight as this in five years! And I’m pretty sure you haven’t either! It doesn’t make sense why we couldn’t fly all of a sudden.”  

Dan sat up, pushing himself up from his slouching position with the soft palms of his hands.

 

“I literally have no idea. But I’m worried. Something’s going on. We’ll have to check that all our other powers are still working- we know my teleportation still works at least.”

 

“I bet you it’s to do with Bickle. What else could explain this?” Phil replied.

 

“But he doesn’t even know we’re coming, does he?”

 

“I wouldn’t put it past him. He is Dr. Bickletwist after all. There’s a reason why The Sunshine Man and The Billowing Whisk were chosen to stop him.” Phil exhaled and bit his lip.

  
Dan looked at Phil inquisitively. What was that supposed to mean?   
  
Phil noticed Dan’s confusion and continued,   
  
“I hate to admit it but, we’re _both_ probably the best superheroes the agency’s got.”   
  
Dan gasped, then felt himself involuntarily break out into a dimpled smile. Had Phil Lester really just… complimented him? Non-sarcastically? He felt something warm stir inside of him at Phil’s remark, a feeling Phil hadn’t stirred in Dan in a long time. Dan did miss being friends, as hard as it was to admit.

 

Before Dan could respond, Phil spoke up again.   
  
“Don’t get your cape in a twist over that, it was _one_ compliment. Now, we better get out of here soon before someone gets suspicious. We’re already in fucking capes and wearing underwear outside on top of our pants rather than inside.”

 

Dan blinked, forcing himself out of his train of thought and stood up. He brushed his pants down of any lint they could have picked up from the red carpet and pushed the curtain aside, gesturing exaggeratedly for Phil to exit first. Phil shook his head amusedly and stepped out of the room.

 

The first thing Dan noticed when they stepped out was a curvy young woman with very obviously dyed red hair with blonde streaks sitting idly on a chair in front of the changerooms. She was chewing a piece of gum loudly, clutching the magazine she was reading titled ‘Cosmo’ with only one hand. The other hand was splayed out on the chair next to her for whatever reason. Upon closer inspection, Dan noticed the wet glint in her red nails. Ah, so she was drying them.

 

“Alright boys, what was going on in there? You know changerooms are meant for trying clothes only, not new sex positions. I can see why you’d think this kind of store would allow that, but even we have standards.” The woman’s voice was rough and grating, and she looked Dan and Phil up and down in a way that was highly disconcerting for both men.

 

Phil blushed profusely, quickly jumping in to defend the woman’s highly false assumption of Dan and Phil’s changeroom activities.

 

“We weren’t doing anything, I swear! We’re not even together!” Phil cried, clearly humiliated.   
  
Was it wrong of Dan to feel a little offended? Surely he wasn’t so bad looking that Phil would be so embarrassed by the knowledge of a stranger thinking Phil and him had had sex. Okay…. Fine. Dan knew that Phil’s defensiveness was probably more of a result of the accusation of doing something so indecent in a public place. Phil was probably nowhere near as innocent as the name ‘The Sunshine Man’ suggested, but it didn’t mean he’d want to be known as a public sex fiend. Meanwhile, Dan was still a virgin- something he definitely could not let Phil find out. No doubt the man would tease him to no end about it.

 

The woman let out an obnoxious, hyena-esque chuckle before pointing a finger with semi-wet nail polish at Dan and Phil.   
  
“Sure you’re not. Look at yourselves!”  

 

Dan quickly glanced down at his own stance, and then Phil’s. They were both standing with their feet approximately half a metre apart, their arms crossed and had the same pouty expression on their faces. They quickly changed their stances and blushed, not knowing what to say.

 

The woman rolled her eyes at this before shooing them away.

 

“Now go back to the rest of the store, and maybe buy something, ya know? I need to make a living somehow. Enjoy your convention.”  

 

What did she mean? What convention? And why didn’t the woman question why Dan and Phil were wearing ridiculous-looking superhero costumes? Dan frowned, wanting answers as he marched determinedly out of the changeroom area of the store. However, all these questions were abruptly pushed out of his mind the second he saw exactly what was in the rest of the store, replaced instead with a thought -

 

_Why the fuck were there at least 50 dildos in this room?_

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I'm so sorry I never update this I'm a terrible procrastinator whoops and also is low-key hard to find motivation sometimes so if you're enjoying this then comments would be very much appreciated because they motivate me to write more


	6. Chapter 6

Dan stared in horror at the objects cluttered on the shelves. Some were pink and squishy. Some had vibrating and rotating features. A few even had what looked to be spikes. Dan’s inner atheist hoped to every god he didn’t believe existed that the spikes were just a figment of his imagination. He imagined they would be an ouch and a half when inserted. 

 

Once his jaw had finally closed after dropping from the shock of the spiky dildos, it opened itself once again when he looked beyond the sex toys and to a certain wall in the store that had hundreds - maybe even thousands - of whips, leashes and handcuffs hanging on it. 

 

It was clear what Dan had done. He’d teleported them into a sex store. 

 

“Oh my god. This is a sex store. We’re actually in a sex store. We’re on a mission that’s supposed to save hundreds of babies’ lives yet we’re in a sex store.” Phil’s mouth was hanging open in a similar manner to Dan’s. 

 

Dan quickly overcame his shock and examined his companion’s face and laughed, noting how funny Phil looked with his mouth wide open and his eyes as wide as dinner plates. 

  
He tapped Phil on the shoulder before pointing at the wall of leashes and collars.    
  
“Wow, there must be plenty of dogs to walk in this neighbourhood.” 

 

“Oh my god, that was terrible. Please leave.” Phil rolled his eyes in fake annoyance but Dan could easily see the traces of amusement creeping up on his face.  _ What a bashful little man,  _ Dan thought. 

 

“Gladly. Let’s go.” Dan said, walking ahead of Phil and smiling cheekily. “We have kids to save.” 

 

-

 

A man wearing a bright pink, skin tight bodysuit strutted past Dan and Phil. His cape was long and glittery, and matched the same extravagantly pink colour of the suit. He wore high heeled boots that reached mid thigh, also pink and glittery. The only thing that wasn’t pink was the blonde spiky wig he was wearing.    
  
If Dan hadn’t known better, he would have mistaken him for Tyler Oakley. The getup the man was wearing was clearly an imitation of Tyler’s supersuit, and the blonde wig a very poor imitation of Tyler’s characteristic blonde hair. 

 

_ What was going on? _

 

Before Dan had any more time to think about it, Not-Tyler had strutted away, a pink flamingo costume head tucked under his arm.    
  
Phil turned to Dan and opened his mouth to say something but was quickly interrupted by a girl wearing a costume that looked suspiciously similar to Louise’s supersuit walking towards them. 

 

“Oh. My. Goodness. Your ‘Billowing Whisk’ and ‘Sunshine Man’ cosplays are like, the best things I’ve ever seen. Ever. DId you use prosthetic noses and coloured contact lenses as well? Cause you literally look, like, very similar to the real heroes.” The girl gushed, not taking a single breath anytime during her spiel. 

 

“What are you talking about?” Phil asked, looking as confused as Dan felt.

 

“Um, you’re clearly cosplayers. Why else would you come to this convention and dress up as Whisk and Sunshine?” The girl pointed behind Dan and Phil at a large, flapping banner. 

 

_ ‘Welcome to Koopatown’s first official superhero convention!!!’  _ it read, the words painted in huge block letters. 

 

Oh.

 

A superhero convention. That made sense. It explained Not-Tyler-Man and the hundreds of others now parading down the road in superhero costumes. 

 

“Oh, yes. Uhm, that’s exactly what we are.” Phil said, looking at Dan unsurely. 

 

“Yep! Yes. Cosplayers ‘r us. Some might say we stole the flesh of Billowing Whisk and Sunshine Man just for this amazing convention that we’re very excited to be a part of!” Dan put two thumbs up and wiggled them near the girl’s face.

The girl scrunched up her face in disgust, wrinkling her nose at Dan’s wiggling thumbs. 

 

“You guys are weird. I’m gonna go now.” The girl said, still eyeing Dan suspiciously as she walked away, shivering slightly.

 

The second the girl had disappeared into the crowd Dan was slapped on the arm. 

 

“OUCH! What was that for?” Dan whined, rubbing the place Phil had hit.

 

“You were being weird to a girl for no reason. She thinks we’re creeps now.” Phil had his eyes narrowed at Dan.

 

“So? It was funny and you knew it. That girl just couldn’t handle my wiggly-piggly thumbs. Sorry Phil, I guess you’ll just have to accept that not everyone can be as bland as you.” Dan shrugged his shoulders. 

 

A light tinkling sound entered Dan’s ears. It was sweet, light and innocent- it was the sound of Phil giggling.    
  
What? 

 

Why was Phil giggling when he’d just insulted him, albeit as a joke, but still an insult. He hadn’t been the cause of this giggle in years- but oh, how’d he missed it.

 

“What are you laughing at Phil?” Dan asked, puzzled but pleased at Phil’s reaction.

 

“I-I guess you were right. It was kinda funny.” Phil smiled at Dan, his eyes crinkled in delight. 

 

Dan wasn’t sure how to respond, he was sure that simply telling Phil his thoughts- that he’d missed being the cause of Phil’s laughter- might be a bit awkward. 

 

“Well, I’m quite funny.” Dan settled for, his lips turned up in a half-smile.

 

Phil shook his head at Dan but the smile stayed. 

 

“Now how the heck are we going to get out of here?” 

 

-

 

This wasn’t exactly ideal. Dan had never been quite the singer, just the casual piano player when he was a young boy. At his best, he had a very average singing voice. At worst, he sounded like a wailing cat. 

 

So how come Dan was where he was- standing in front of hundreds of people dressed up as his friends, about to sing a power duet with the man who’d been his enemy for years? 

 

For the dumb children who needed their lives saved, Dan guessed. This was Phil’s self-proclaimed ‘spiffy’ plan to earn money fast. Since their full-time jobs were being superheroes which, as much as he loved it, paid him in satisfaction and respect rather than dollars. All Dan could ever need was provided for him at the superhero academy at no charge. These two things resulted in neither Dan or Phil having a single cent to their names. With their flying powers gone, they needed money to purchase some form of transport to the island, preferably a boat or a helicopter. 

 

Dan really hoped this busking would pay well.

 

“Alright ladies and gentlemen, here you are about to watch me and my friend sing an original song, written by yours truly about superheroes! They do so much for us, and I think it’s time we gave them the gratitude they deserve! Who’s with me?” Phil said in his best presenter-person voice, which was admittedly quite a good one.

 

The crowd cheered, a few people even clapping their hands wildly. The performance hadn’t even started yet!

 

Dan sucked a deep breath in, not feeling ready to humiliate himself like this. 

 

“Alright, this is ‘The superheroes are here’.” Dan said, trying to mask the dread he was feeling. 

 

Phil started singing the first verse, eliciting hysteric cheers from the crowd. He did have a nice voice, Dan noticed. It was deep and mature, quite different to Phil’s bouncy and slightly Northern-sounding speaking voice.

 

Dan danced around awkwardly for the first minute or so, almost admiring how confident Phil was to be able to sing well in front of such a huge crowd of people. Dan was going to look like an idiot next to him. He braced himself as the chorus approached, thought ‘ _ fuck it _ ’ and joined in. 

 

“ _ Superheroes are here. Superheroes are great. When there are lots of bickle-twists, they’ve got a lot on their plates! _

_ “You might think that this is woeful. But they are doing fine.” _

 

_ “Because life is so much more super when you spend it with the super-kind.” _

 

Dan heard a few ‘woos’ from the crowd, and suddenly all traces of fear in his system were gone, replaced with adrenaline. He practically belted the second verse along with Phil, their voices melding together beautifully. 

 

Before he knew it, the performance was over. Dan looked over at Phil. He looked ecstatic. 

 

-

 

“$20? I thought they liked our performance!” Dan exclaimed, thumbing through the measly amount of money that had been thrown at them during the performance. He felt a little like an unpopular stripper. 

 

“It’s okay Dan, $20 should be enough to find some form of transport- even just a small boat.” 

 

Dan hummed thoughtfully, scratching his chin. 

 

“I hope so. Otherwise those babies are fucked.” 

 

Phil squawked in disgust at the mental image Dan had unintentionally implanted in his mind- Phil was ashamed to admit he’d  _ gravely _ misinterpreted the word ‘fucked’ at the end of the sentence.

 

“Well? Where next? Do you know where to get a boat, little sun man?” Dan asked, raising his eyebrows playfully at his companion. 

 

Phil giggled a little at this, amused at Dan’s new name for him. “Little sun man?” Phil’s eyebrows were raised.

 

“Got a problem with my awesome nicknaming abilities?” 

 

“Well you nicknamed yourself ‘The Billowing Whisk’, I don’t think that supports the claim that they’re ‘awesome’.” Phil teased, poking Dan in the shoulder. 

 

Dan simply ‘hmphed’ in indignation, but failed to fight the smile that was creeping onto his face.

 

“Now come on, we got a boat to sail.” 

 

-

 

They’d walked for a good fifteen minutes to the docks, every so often being stopped by ‘other’ cosplayers for pictures. Dan smiled at the thought of dozens of cosplayers going home, realising days, weeks, maybe even months later that they’d unwittingly met the real Sunshine Man and Billowing Whisk. 

 

When they finally reached the docks, Dan was more than ready to set sail and save some baby ass. Or something. (Dan really needed to watch the words he was using when talking about babies.) 

 

Phil and him ran up to the docks, capes awkwardly flapping behind them in the wind. On their walk to the docks they’d decided that Phil would handle the conversations with the boat manager-people. Dan was far too awkward for that, and they’d probably be suspected of drug smuggling or something if Dan did the talking. It was quite a shame that in many cases, Dan’s being one of them, social skills were an abstract concept gifted by the biased hands of mother nature, rather than a tool that could be crafted by Dan’s own volition and pure desperation. 

 

“Hello! I need a boat- can you help me?” Phil said, sticking his hand out to shake. 

  
The old bearded man standing in front of him smiled and gripped Phil’s hand, shaking it enthusiastically. 

 

“Why hello young man, I certainly can.I'm fisherman price, but you can just call me fisher price for short.” The man replied, his eyes briefly glancing over at Dan who was standing behind a tree a few feet over, hunched over in an attempt to make himself as invisible as possible.

 

The man’s smile fell for a moment before he leaned in, pointed at Dan in what was probably an attempt to be subtle, and whispered in Phil’s ear something that Dan couldn’t hear. Whatever it was, it caused Phil to turn bright red and shake his head vigorously. 

 

“N-no!” Dan heard him protest. “He would never. We’re not even friends.” 

 

Oh. So that’s what he thought of him. Dan guessed he shouldn’t be surprised. They’d only been on this trip for a few hours really. So what if they’d had a bit of a good banter on the walk here? It couldn’t erase the six year long feud they’d mutually perpetuated. Dan frowned a little, unsure why he cared about what Phil had said. It wasn’t a big deal.

 

When Dan had tuned back in, the eccentric old man was walking towards the ocean, Phil in tow. 

 

“Dan! Come on, he’s getting us a boat!” Phil hollered, twitching his head around looking for Dan in a way that reminded Dan of a funny little meerkat. 

 

Dan shuffled out from his ‘hiding’ place and followed suit, having to power-walk to catch up to Phil and the old man. 

 

“Hello son.” The man said, nodding in acknowledgement at Dan and smiling. Dan smiled back, but the smile was dropped immediately when he saw what was in front of him.

 

A disgusting, dingy little canoe that was growing moss in every crevice imaginable was gently rocking back and forth, tethered by a frayed rope to the dock. It wasn’t exceptionally small, but it looked like a spaghetti strand in a way, looking a little too long and a little too thin to be comfortable or adequately buoyant. Dan gagged when he saw something furry scurry under the seats before quickly disappearing.

 

“What the hell is that?” Dan exclaimed, taking a step back and checking that Phil looked equally as disgusted as him. He was. Dan wanted to ensure that he wasn’t just imagining this, that this was a real boat he was seeing. 

 

“That, my friend is the boat you’ll be taking on your trip.” The man replied, the grin on his face not falling. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeeet I'm trying to update weekly but knowing me there will be times when I miss updates so bear with me please! I had so much fun writing this chapter and I think it's a really fun one so please comment if it made you laugh hehehe 
> 
> Enjoy!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY! Semi-important message here: I felt like Dan should have a family member lol so I made some minor edits to the second half of Chapter 3 that mentions a brother that previously didn't exist in this universe (I'm a mess). Uhhh yeah so anyway if you want slightly more insight on his brother who is also mentioned here you can go back and read that if you want to (you don't have to, I won't fight you or anything if you don't. Besides, I would lose). 
> 
> Okay enough of that ramble, enjoy!

“Mate, you’ve got to be shitting me right now.” Dan deadpanned, looking at the old man with a look that would have made any sane person wither. The man just laughed.

 

“I am 100% serious right now, son. This is the only boat we’ve got left. We can give it a clean before you go, if that will make you feel better.”   
  
Dan turned his head to Phil, the withering look on his face slowly being replaced by one of mock enthusiasm. He shot finger guns at Phil purely because he knew it would make him cringe (and giggle).

 

“Well let’s get started then, shall we?”

 

-

 

Two hours.

 

It had taken them two bloody whole hours to scrub the entire canoe, stern to bow, of all residual mould, moss and… mice. Dan was bloody exhausted. He threw his lanky body onto the ground, moaning as he did so. Fisher Price simply burst into another fit of chuckles at this, not looking tired at all despite the laborious task they’d all just participated in.

 

Dan vaguely noticed the sound of lighter, youthful laughter and he cracked his eyes open. He didn’t even have time to react to being poked in the side before his hands were grasped by someone else’s and was gently pulled off the ground.

 

“Come on, Danny. There’s no time for rest when we have children to save!” The black-haired man exclaimed cheekily before plopping himself into the boat. Dan gave him one of his signature withering looks, but Phil was as unaffected as the old man was. _Was Dan losing his edge?_

 

Phil thanked Fisher for all his help, before asking him to detach the boat from the dock and to send them off on their merry way.

 

The boat rocked slightly as Dan rolled his long body into the canoe, cursing when his cape snagged on the dock. He stretched his legs out and realised that to sit in comfortably in this canoe, his feet would basically have to be tangled with Phil’s awkwardly. He cursed again, this time silently.

 

“Oh look at you two, all cuddled up! How _adorable!”_ Fisher Price cackled, undoing the rope tethering the boat to the dock. Dan pursed his lips. Not this again.

 

“I’m sure you lovebirds will have a great time on your very _private_ trip together. Snuggled up real nice on this boat.”   
  
Two oars were thrown at them which they barely caught. They looked at each other incredulously, then Fisher.

 

Dan wasn’t sure if he wanted to respond, and even if he had wanted to he had no idea how to. Despite his superior social skills, it seemed Phil didn’t either.

 

“Aha! That’s- that’s something! Thanks again for the help, Fisher!” Phil replied, voice an octave higher than usual. If Dan hadn’t been so caught up in his own feelings of awkwardness perhaps he may have noticed the blush that was dusting Phil’s cheeks.

  
Dan waved goodbye and mumbled in agreement, and with that, Dan gripped his oar tightly and rowed as hard as he could. He couldn’t risk hearing another suggestive comment from the eccentric fisherman.

 

-

  
His joints ached. His legs were numb. He felt like he was going to throw up.

 

“You know, Phil. It would be nice if you could get your foot out of my ass.” Dan snapped, wriggling to give himself more room but only succeeding in tipping the boat in the process.

 

“It’s not my fault the boat’s so small!” Phil squeaked out in defence, his bottom lip stuck out.

 

“Well it is your fault that we’re fucking failing this mission! We should have just busked again and gotten enough money to get a plane or something. Not just taken the first crummy boat we could find!”

 

“That is as much my fault as it is yours. Maybe you should have mentioned this _earlier_ , instead of being a twat about it now.”

 

“Oo! A naughty word from such a pure man! Did something I say touch a nerve, ‘I-think-the-sun-shines-out-of-my-ass-man’?”

 

Phil gritted his teeth at this and gave Dan a look that would even have wilted Fisher Price.

 

“Dan. Shut up.”

 

“Oh what, like you did six years ago? Just started fucking ignoring me for no reason? There’s a thing called communication, Phil. Maybe you should learn it sometime.”

  
The boat rocked and Dan found himself clutching at the sides in desperation, scared of falling out. He looked to the horizon. There was nothing to be seen.

 

“Well I’m sorry I actually had social capabilities greater than that of a shoe and didn’t run away from basically _everyone_ else at the academy.”

 

Dan’s jaw dropped at Phil’s words. He did not just say that. Tears welled at his eyes but Dan was quick to will them away. He wouldn’t let Phil see him like this. He was fine with Phil seeing him angry, but sad- that was something much more personal. Something Phil had lost the right to see the second he broke the best friendship Dan had ever had up.

 

How dare he? Phil fucking knew he got extremely anxious talking to new people, a problem he’d confided in Phil about in the days they were friends. And now Phil was using it against him.

 

He was brought back to his first day of superschool. Dan had been young. Twelve years old only, an actual fetus. Scared of practically everyone who wasn’t his big brother, the second he’d stepped into the academy he’d been shaking like a leaf, scared of the unknown.

 

-

_“Mason, I’m scared.” He whined, nestling his head in his older brother’s embrace._

 

_Dan had never felt particularly close to anyone in his family. No one except Mason. His dad was rarely there, seeming to be more interested in work than his own children. His mum had died when he was a small child, and as much as he hated it, he could barely remember anything about her._

 

_Mason had always been amused, but supportive of Dan’s obsession with superheroes. And now he was the only one sending him off to superschool. As if his dad would care._

 

_“Hey little dude, it will be okay. I have to go now, but you’re going to be the best superhero ever. I just know it.”_

 

_“You really think so?”_

 

_“I know so.”_

 

_And with that, Mason gently pulled him out of his embrace, smiled, and left him there in the Supernova Hero Academy. He was terrified._

 

_His morning classes had passed rather slowly. He didn’t know anyone except the Ocean Liner, and even then they’d only met once for the admission interview. His familiarity with his trainer mostly resided in the fact that he was a huge fan of him, and had been following his work for years. Not actual personal contact or anything ridiculous like that._

 

_Come lunchtime, Dan was sitting alone. That was no surprise. He’d always thought his real superpower was the ability to maintain superhuman levels of awkwardness in nearly every social situation._

 

_He looked up from his sandwich (toasted with his own fire power) when he saw a kid about his age, black hair and glasses come sit next to him. The boy smiled._

 

_“Hello, my nem’s Phil.” He said, sticking a hand out for Dan to shake. He has an accent, Dan noticed._

 

_“Oh. H-hello.” Dan stuttered, looking at the boy with wide eyes before remembering to shake his hand._

 

_“Are you alright? I noticed you looked upset during flying class.”_

 

_To say that he’d looked upset would be an understatement. Dan had been sobbing in the corner for most of the class, the Ocean Liner having to stop the class to calm him down. Dan would have liked to think that he was upset because he was bad at flying- but no, that wasn’t it. He was upset because it had felt just like the first day of primary school, where he found himself surrounded by strangers he had no idea how to talk to._

 

_“I’m okay.” Dan lied, but his red eyes told a different story._

 

_Phil seemed to contemplate something for a second, frowning a bit before he replied._

 

_“Okay, but if you ever need to talk to someone I’m here, you know.”_

 

_Dan didn’t reply, but risked a peek at the boy’s face. His eyes were a brilliant blue, a hue so striking Dan could only compare it to that of the ocean. His large, but not jarringly so, nose was lightly dusted with freckles. They were so small you’d only be able to see them up close. His dark hair contrasted starkly with his pale complexion, and Dan felt himself grow calmer the more he looked at him._

 

_“Thanks.”_

 

_Phil grinned, his smile stretching from ear to ear. The blue eyes seemed to sparkle as he did so._

 

_“You’re welcome. It’s Dan, right?”_

 

_-_

 

“Fuck. You.” Dan gritted out, fists clenched so tightly around his oar he thought it would break.

 

Phil simply raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms, daring Dan to react, to throw a hissy fit or something of the sort.

 

“How dare you throw that in my face? I had no fucking friends in primary school because I was too scared to talk to anyone, and you think it’s okay to just make fun of that, you fucking prick?”

 

Phil’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something, probably to apologise, but Dan wasn’t having any of it.

 

“I fucking hate you! You know, I was actually starting to think you were okay-”  


“Dan-”

 

“Shut up! It’s time for me to talk, because according to you I haven’t done enough of that in my life! You ignorant piece of-  


“DAN!”

 

“WHAT?”

 

“The boat’s on fire!” Phil said, and suddenly Dan noticed that despite the ghostly look of fear painted on Phil’s face, his complexion was red, too red- unhealthily so.

 

He looked to the left of Phil and his stomach dropped as he saw the bright flames of vermillion scorching the boat that seemed even more pathetic in comparison.

 

“Fuck! Look what you made me do!”

 

Dan growled, immediately extinguishing the flames he’d inadvertently caused. His face was bright crimson now, partly from anger,  but mostly due to embarrassment. (Nothing to do with the fire- he was heat resistant, after all.) Phil probably thought he was even dumber than he actually was now.

 

He quickly checked the exterior, then the interior of the boat. Nothing seemed to be gravely burn, shockingly. He heaved a sigh of relief, before glancing sheepishly at Phil to check that he was okay. Even though he’d been an ass he didn’t want him burnt.

 

Phil was leaning floppily in the opposite corner of the boat, clearly out of breath from the inhalation of smoke. Dan’s stomach twisted in guilt, and as little as he wanted to talk to Phil right now he needed to make sure he was okay (for the sake of the mission, of course).

 

“You alright?” He said, anxiously scanning Phil’s body for any signs of injury.   
  
“Yeah. Don’t worry.” Phil said, not looking up from the bottom of the boat. His knees were huddled to his chest and his forehead was visibly sweating. Dan frowned at this, even if Phil wasn’t physically injured he was definitely shaken up. Unfortunately for them both, Dan was in no position to comfort him. Not with the fight they’d just had.

 

The air was thick with tension now, and not the good, sexual kind you read about in gay fanfictions. It was the awkward, terrible kind where everyone involved knew there were things yet to be resolved, that probably were never going to be.

 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Dan wondered if Phil really meant to hurt Dan like he did. If he really hated Dan as much as he seemed to for the past six years. Or maybe it was just something angrily spewed out in the heat of the moment, a stupid thing he would regret for days, weeks, or even months to come.   
  
Dan prayed for the latter.   


He saw no further point in overthinking, and tried his best to accept the fact that the person Phil was six years ago when they were actually friends was probably long gone. 

  
He inhaled, exhaled then hesitantly turned his back from Phil. He was still  mad, the fact he’d nearly burnt Phil to a crisp didn’t change that, as guilty as he felt about it. Dan picked his oar up once again, his hands now slightly blistered from how tight he’d been gripping it during the fight and continued rowing. This was going to be just _super._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are very much appreciated (they are my main motivation for writing rip)


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